Ma Maw an' the Spider Bite

Based on true events (no, really…)

A wis in the Early Learning Centre, lookin at toys,

A wis wi ma maw an’ aw the boys.

When suddenly ah heard a hefty scream,

It soonded like sumthin fae a bad dream.

It came fae ma maw,

A turned roond nd saw,

Her chuckin the toys she wis haudin up,

Wan hit me in the face an’ ah drapped ma cup.

A poisonous spider bit her oan the wrist,

Wan fang in the watch, the other in the fist.

Ah stertit greetin cause a couldnae bear,

The sight eh seein Jackie passed oot oan the flair.

A crowd stertit tae gather roon,

Gawpin at this wifey spread oot in the toon.

She wissnae movin, her lips were blue,

There wis too many folk, a couldnae git through.

A ran back in,

In case the spider got binned,

Only tae find,

It’s fiery behind,

Squashed intae the cairpet,

Lying there lik an ergit.

The ambulance came tae pick up Jackie,

Wearing her baggies that looked tacky.

Ah was left, a bairn eh eight,

No kennin wit tae dae but wait

oan ma Uncle Stuart who’d tak me hame,

While ma maw wis in intensive care, oot the game.

Aifter twa weeks, Jackie wis oot the hoaspital,

She wis back tae normal, well, only a little.

It took her a while tae sort herself oot,

Nae work, nae drink, nothing tae eat but fruit.

She hated it but we made a deal,

That we wid tak her oot fir a meal.

To her favourite restaurant in Kirkcaldy,

Next tae where the spider bit her body.

Noo, we hauv the deed spider in a jar,

Nd ma maw is left wi a wee scar.

Noo an’ again we tak it oot,

Nd stare at it, no sayin anythin, we are aw just mute.

We mind the time when Jackie got bit,

The hale hing wis embarrassin, a must admit!

DEMI LEE BRAND, DunfermlineHigh School