Facey Like Yours - Ten Doric Stories
 The Pluffer  Sunday Fitba wi ma Faither
 Fishin in the Findhorn  Crash
 Peelie wally  Ma Worst Nicht Oot
 San Diego  The Auld Asylum
 Stookie The Forkie Gollach

The Pluffer
by Jack Crawford (Forres Academy)

Abidy ca’s me Pluffer but ma real name is Lewis. I got ca’d a pluffer cos am a deed shot wi ma pluffer. A can hit onything richt on target fae hunred yards aff. One day I went ta skweel and I took ma empty pen and a bag o’ peas. Faan I got there I wis walking aboot the hall ways and saw a kid wis pickin on my brither. I loaded up ma pluffer and took aim. I shot a pea right at him and it hit him in the een. He wis bawlin. I sweer you could hear him half wy aroon the toon. I jist turned tail and ran. Ma first class wis Maths. Noo, am nae exaggerating fan a say ma math teacher fair hates me. she thinks I’m evil! I love naething better than tae shoot peas a ower the class at ma mates. It fair drives her diminted.

In chemistry I spotted ma freen so I shot a pea at his heid. He turned roond and I got him in the lug. Fan I wis walking doon the halls and I spotted ma wee sester. I loaded up and fired and it hit her freen so I legged it to my next class which wis history. I wis aboot to shoot a pea at the front of the class and the teacher turned roond and said “gi me that pen it’s confiscated”. I wis sat in history bored oot me nut sat there speekin to a freen an a got sent oot the class for a bit the teacher came oot and spoke to me. He telt me that he wis gaen tae report me tea the heidie and that he wid be keepin ma pluffer fir evidence. He wint back intae the class and a saw him drap it intae thedrawer of his desk.

A got thigither wi ma freen an set up a plan tae get back. So at denner time a met up wi ma freen and heided aff up tae his room. We saw him heidin aff doon the corridor towards the canteen so we thocht we wid be safe.

Ma freen stood guard at the door filst a wint in tae get ma prize possession back. A wis jist pittin ma haund intae the drawer fan a heard a gie commotion gittin up outside the room. A lookit up an saw ma freen in the doorway wi the teacher richt ahin him. He wis glowerin at me.

I fair thocht ma hert wid stop!

He came stoufin intae the room and glowered doon at me. I wis shakin in ma sheen. A hid been caught reid handed and there winsnae ony wye a wis gaunt ae talk masel oot o this.

He reached roon aboot me and took ma pluffer oot o the drawer. He held it up in front o ma fizog an snapped it richt in twa and then drappit it in the bin.

A wis then merched doon tae the heidie’s room and telt tae wait till she could see me.

A wis there for ower half an hoor before she ca’d me in. Sittin in the room wis ma mither and faither. A thocht this wis it. Fit punishment wid a be getting a windered?

Well a wis made tae write a letter o apology tae the teacher an on tap o that a got detention. Bit even worse a wis grounded fir twa wiks at hame.

Nae freens, nae tele, nae internet. Fit wid a di wi masel a winderd?

Plenty o time tae mak masel a new pluffer – only this ane wid be kept weel awa fae ony teachers!

Sunday Fitba wi ma Faither
by Ross Fowler (Forres Academy)

Sunday day morning me and my Aul-man were kicking the fitba aroond the gairden messing aboot.

Ma mither came oot tae gie us some irn bru and telt us she wis gaen awa tae see her freen fir the aifterneen. She couldna stand fitba an winted tae be oot o the road fan it wis on. Me and ma faither were gaunt ae watch the cup final atween Hibs an Rangers and were fair excited. We baith supported Celtic so we winted Hibs tae win.

We settled doon in front o the tele and the match started. Naething much happened in the first hauf and we wir getting a bit scunnered. Hauf time came and a got up tae get masel anither can o juice and ma faither a can o beer. We wir baith hopin the second hauf wid be a bit mair exciting.

We wir jist getting settled doon and the door bell wint. We baith lookit at ane anither and thocht faa could that be. I got up tae see an it wis ane o ma freens wonderin if a wis wintin tae come oot wi him. I telt him that a wid see him aifter the match an wint back through the hoose and settled doon tae see the rest o the game. The second hauf wisna muckle better but in the last few minutes Hibs scored and we wir aff oor seats skirlin and screamin wi excitement. Rangers hid been beatin and tat wis a that mattered.

Ma faither wis that high aboot it he thocht he wid challenge me tae a kick aboot in the back gairden. I tried tae talk him oot o it an telt him that a wis supposed tae be meetin ma freen bit he said tae gie him half an hoor an then a could go aff.

So I wint oot intae the gairden and set up a goal wi a puckle of ganzies as the posts an wint an got the fitba oot o the shed. I wis kick the ba against the fence and then ma faither came oot a dressed up in his fitba strip. He lookit plain daft bit a didna say onything.

He wint ower tae the goals and then stood there waitin fir me tae shoot. I took a run at the ba and gave it an almichty kick straight at him. Weel he didna move quick enough cos the bac ought him smack bang richt in his fizzog!

A jist stood there lookin at him. There wis bleed drpping fae his neb a doon the front o his semmit. I wis sure he wis gaen tae have twa keekers an a cos the ba hid gein him sic a wallop.

It wis at then that ma mither walkit through the gate intae the gairden. He took ane look at the baith o us an jist shook her heid. She telt ma faither tae come intae the hoose an clean himself up an git a better idea fit the damage wis.

Ance he hid cleaned himself up and got his neb tae stop bleedin a ower the place it didna look sae bad. He wis a bit mad at getting bleed a doon his new fitba strip bit ma mither said it micht come oot in the wash. As fir me a wis wishin a hid jist gone up the road wi ma freen fan he hid asked me.

Weel its safe tae say that ma faither will nae be playin fitba again. He’s decided that its safer jist tae watch it and leave the playin tae the experts.               

Fishin in the Findhorn
by John Ritchie (Forres Academy)

It wis an affa cauld day so I thocht I hid better wrap up warm so I didna freeze fan I wis fishing doon the river Findhorn. I lookit oot ma thick stockens and put on ma ganzie. I pulled ma tooorie oor ma heid and wrapped ma scarf tae keep ma lugs warm. I stepped oot the hoose and it was howling a gale. It was like I wis walking towards a plane propeller and it didna help that there wis hailstones as herd as stale saffties and the size of small gobstoppers. I was richt gled that I was wrapped up warm and hid ma waterproofs on.

I headed down tae ma dides then tae the river. Fan a arrived at the river it hid stopped the hailstone and the wind hid drapd. A pit on ma waders and setup ma rod and put a cascade cone tube cos the river wis high and there was fish jumping oot the water .

A heided aff tae the mooth o the pool and casted out. I looked roon and saw ma didie spikin to a mannie cad Ian Gordon. I wis usy wonderin fit he wis dien here fan I felt a tug on the line. I hid a fish on!

I cried oot tae ma didie who cam runnin ower tae see fit wis gan on. It wis nae sma cath either. Baith ma didie and his freen wis shoutin advice tae me aboot how tae land it. I didna ken fa tae listen tae first. I wis fair excited.

The fish wis louping oot the water, it wis gien a fair fight. I wis shakin wi excitement. This wis ma first catch an I wisnae gan tae lose it. I held ticht on tae the rod and reeled it in. I was sweating and ma arms were shakin wi a the adrenaline pumping through ma body.

I looked doon at ma feet to see the bonnie fish flappin aboot and I didna ken fit tae di next. Ma didie came ower and wi his big sticks and clapped it ower the lug. It wis deed!! The next thing there wis a crowd aroon aboot me a lookin at ma fish. The bailiff came in aboot tae hiv a look and a. He wis checkin tae see if a needed tae throw it back in. it wis jist under the weight limit so a wised chuffed I said I know what am having fae ma supper.

I wis as prood as punch! I couldna wait tae see ma mither’s face fan I got hame. I got ma phone oot an I gave it tae ma didie to tak a photo. A lifted it up and it was quite a heavy brute a head a smile on ma face this is geeing on Facebook and snapchat and to send it tae ma uncle to boast tae him and tae ma dad because he hasna caught one before so a can wind him up about it a told ma dide to take it to the car and put it in the boot.

A carried on fishing an hour went by nothing then suddenly ma line went tight and it started moving aboot so I knew by then that a got one on so a shouted ma dide tae come over so a carried on fighting it this one is bigger than the other one it is taking longer tae take in ma adrenaline rush was mental. A eventually landed it took one hour and half tae take in this one is way bigger than the other one a got the scales and this ane is 33lb I was really chuffed we ma self landing such a big fish and it being my second ane a got a photo with it a didna bother picking it up so a just kneeled down next tae it.

by Lewis Harvey (Forres Academy)

Leaving ma hoose to go to skweel it was quite cauld but luckily a wis wrapped up with ma bunnet and ganzie. It wis Monday and it hid been a struggle to get ot o ma bed. a hated skweel. The lessons, the teachers, as for the heidy well dinna start me. There’s jist naeithin a could say that wid mak that wifie sound pleasant.

A plugged in my ear phones, pulled my tourie oor ma heid and headed af doon ma usual road. The walk was a fair bit. A heided past the sewage works which reeked and a hid tae hauld ma neb to stop me boaking. Then there wis the daft auld wifie wi the lolly pop stick dein her usual, bawlin her heid off at me for nae using her crossing. As usual a jist ignored her.

A wis jist aboot tae cross ower the road at ma usual place fan a hell let loose. There wis screeching o brakes and peeping o horns and worst o a the greetin and bawlin o a wifie. A wis thinkin should I gae back and see if she wis ok or walk awa or hae a good laugh aboot it. A went back tae see if she wis ok. There was a car in a fence and the auld wifie wi the stick wis lying in the middle o the road shouting fir help. A wint ower tae see fit happened and she telt me to ring 999. So a did and a telt them fit hid happened. They said they wid be quick as possible. A sat wi her and in the distance a could hear the sirens and then the ambulance and bobbies arrived on the scene.

A telt them fit hid happened and they said a could go and she wid be aricht noo.

A watched them tak her intae the back o the van. They then lookit at the mannie fit hid been in the car. He wis walkin aboot and seemed ok but they took him aff tae be checked oot as weel.

Fan a the excitement hid died doon a heided aff tae skweel. A lookit at ma watch an saw that a wis aready late so there wis ane pint hurryin. Nes doobt a wid be in trouble wi the heidie. She niver missed a chance tae git at me. Weel a wid tell her fit hid happened an surely she wid let me aff the day.

Well a should hiv kent better. She caught me bonny gaen through the door and gave me her usual glower. Next thing she wis standing ower me askin fit the day’s excuse wis. Well a telt her an jist as a thocht she didna believe a wird a wis spikin. She ca’d me a wee liar. Fit a chik she hid!! Then she hid the chik tae gi me anither detention. Well, there wis nae wye a wis gaen tae turn up to ony detention. She could go awa an bile her heid.

Next thing a wis pulled oot ma class and telt a hid tae go tae her office. A thocht ‘fit noo?’ As far as a kent a hidna done onything else tae get in her bad books but this wifie niver seemed tae need ony excuse tae git me intae bother.

So a trailed ma feet roond the corridor. A thocht a wid get a few laps in afore a got there – she could jist wait!

Fan a arrived at her room a wis made tae sit outside an wait. A wis getting angrier and angrier. A decided that a wid jist tell her fit a thocht o her and her skweel. Next thing the door opened an a wis ca’d inside.

Weel fan a wint through the door ma mooth jist aboot hit the fleer. Sittin in her office wis twa bobbies. Ma hert wis bangin. Fit hid a done? But tae ma surprise they stood up and shook ma haund. They baith thankit me fir a ma help that morning. They telt me the wifie wis ok and she wintit them tae tell me foo grateful she wis. They then turned roond and telt the heidie that she should be prood tae hiv sic caring pupils in her skweel.

Well a jist wish a could hiv takin a photo o thon wifie’s fizzog! It wis a picture. She coouldn get ony wirds oot o her moo! I jist lookit at her an speared if a wid still need tae turn up tae her detention!

That fair pit her gas at a peep!
Peelie wally
by Euan Robson (Forres Academy)

I hid been affa peelie wally for aboot six days. It hid started aff wi a high temperature that went on three days straight. Ma fizog, neck and chest wis reid as a beetroot. On tap o a that I hid a sare thrapple. Then came the blocked neb, chapped lips, sare lugs and dry skin a ower ma fizog. Ma mither had nae choie but tae keep me hame fae the skweel.

Noo I hid niver really been aff skweel fir ony length o time an a didnae ken fit to di wi masel. Abidy wis oot o the hoose an I wis hame alane. A wis feelin gi sorry fir masel.

Fir the first twa days I wis too na weel tae really are but once a started getting better I got scunnered. I didna ken fit tae di wi masel. There wis naethin on the tele and the internet wis broken so a couldna use it. I thocht the day wis never gonna end.

I decided I wid try and dae something to help ma mither an thocht I could gi her a wee surprise fan she got hame fir her work. So a hid a rake through the cupboards in the kitchen tae find a duster and some polish.

I started in the living room. I hid the tele lookin affa boonie. It wis sparkling. I thoucht she wid be fair pleased. I then took aff a her ornaments aff the mantelpiece and pit them on the fleer. Some o these ornaments were affa expensive and precious so a hid tae be real canny. I wis getting on great! So great a thocht am gonna pit some music on tae keep me company.
This is far it a went wrong.

A hid jist pit on some music and steppit back tae git back tae ma cleaning fan a heard a crunch under ma foot. A lookit doon and saw ane o ma mither’s best ornaments broken intae hunreds o bits. A couldna believe ma een. A wis fair panicking. A thocht fit wid a di? There wis nae wye it could be mended. It wis too far gone an onywye she wid see a the cracks on it even wi the best glue. A then thocht a could jist sweep it a up and dump it a in the bin. The scaffies were due the morn so she wid be nane the wiser. But she wid notice it wis gone fae the mantelpiece.

There wis naething else fir it but tae own up. A wid jist hiv tae face the music.

So a gathered up a the bits and pit them a in a bit o newspaper and carried them ben tae the kitchen. I lookit at the clock tae see the time see foo muckle time a hid afroe she got hame.

It wis fowr o’clock. She wid be in the door aboot five. So a hid time tae mak her something fine for her tea. A hid a rake through a the cupboards and the fridge an a there wis wis a bit o broon loaf and some tins o beans. That wisna gaen tae impress her ony.
A hid jist started pittin athing thegither fan she walit through the door. She took ane look at me and richt awa she guessed there wis something nae richt. Fan she asked me fit I hid been deein a couldna look at her in the een. So a jist hid tae confess.

Weel it wisna hauf as bad as a thocht it wid be. She wis upset bit she his tae admit that it hid been an accident and a hidna meant tae die it. She jist telt me nae tae be sae quick tae di ony mare housework in future.

I hiv tae say that didna brak ma her ony!
Ma Worst Nicht Oot
by Keiron Martin (Forres Academy)

I wis awa oot tae the pub called the Mosset (or is as it’s kent by the locals ‘The Coffin!). Fit wye they ca it tae I didna ken something tae di wi the last owner makin coffins there or something. I wis gan tae hiv ma tae with aabudy (family) and fair excited tae see them a.

I wis gie cauld outside so I pit on ma warm jaiket and wrapped ma scarf aroon ma neck and pulled ma tourie ower ma lugs. Then headed oot the door.
Fan a got tae the Mosset there wis a fair crowd in. There wis fowk o a shapes and sizes fae bairns tae auld fowk. The bairns were howlin and bawlin and there wis a group o wifies in the corner haein a blether and one mannie wis struggling to stan on his feet.

I looked aroon, spotted ma family and went tae sit doon aside them. I started tae blether tae ma granny aboot foo she wis keepin. She telt me she hid a gies air thrapple. An there wis naething that wis working. She hid been sookin sweeties and I telt her to get a dram, she laughed at that and said she micht jist try that oot.
I hid a blether wi ma aul-man and my wee brither and hid a wee catch-up about the fitba. Ma aul-man went aff to get himsel a beer and me a coke. So a hid a belther an a catch up wi ma mither . It wis ages since a hid seen her and a needed tae ken foo the rest o the family were dein. She telt me a aboot how Jamie wis aye getting intae trouble at the skweel. She wis at the end o her tether, she didsna ken fit tae di wi him. He wis aye turnin up late tae a his classes, gein the techers chic! A telt her a wid hiv a wird wi him later. The ither twa were baith fine and dein weel, so that wis something.

We needed tae order oor meal and I fair fancied a guid auld plate o mince, tatties, neeps and meelie jimmies. A hidna hid that fir ages. Abidy else ordered fit they winted and then we sat and waited.

Fan ma plate wis pit doon in front o me the smell wis makin ma mooth water. I wis starving. I wis jist aboot tae pit the first forkfae in ma moo fan a saw tae ma horror something green and creepy crawlie runnin through ma neeps.

A louped oot ma set and drapped ma fork on the fleer. The rest of the family jist sat and stared wi their moos open wondering fit wis wrang. Fan a pinted oot fit wis on ma plate they stared in horror. They started lookin at their food tae see if fit they hid tae eat wis ok. But it seemed tae be jist me.

The manager came ower an asked fit wis wrang. A pinted tae ma plate. He tried tae mak a joke saying that creepy crawlies came free bit a wisna amused. So he took ma denner awa and trelt me the hale family wid get a free meal and drinks.

It wis a bit o a shame cos nane o us felt affa hungry aifter that. It fair pit a dampner on the nicht oot. A decided the first thing a wid di fan a got hame wid be tae go straight on tae Tripadvisor and mak sure abidy kent fit kind o food they served up at this place.

Ane thing fir sure a widna be back!

San Diego
by Conor Riddell (Forres Academy)

A wis gan on a holiday tae go tae San Diego tae visit Canterbury gardens and Robeson design. So a wint online tae find a hotel fir November time cos if a wintit tae go ower ther tae get the Christmas Merkets. The worst part o it a wis gaun tae be the journey ower there cos it wis gaunt ae tak me aboot twa days by the time a hid takin a train tae the airport then changed flights a couple o times. Bit a thocht it wid be worth it.

The day o ma holiday finally came. An it didna start very weel. Athing wis runnin late. The train wis late, the planes wir late, a missed a connection so a eventually got to ma hotel aboot ten hoors later than I expected. It wis fair tae say a wis funnert!
A arrived at the hotel an it wis real posh. It aready hid its giant Christmas tree up in the lobby an a hiv niver seen onything like it. It wis covered in lichts o a colours. It wis richt bonny. A got shown tae ma room an a wisna disapinted. There wis a massive comfy bed, ma ane bathroom wi a huge bath an it lookit oot richt across the city.

It wis aready dark an a the lichts were on. A wint ower tae the windae and opened it up wide. A wisnae prepared for foo cauld it wid be up there on the tenth floor! The win came whistlin in aboot so a shut it quick afore a froze tae death.
The next day a got masel a ready and heided aff doon tae the Canterbury Gardens tae di ma shopping. Fan a got there it wis buzzin. There wis fowk a way. The shops were a decked oot in bonny Christmas decorations. There wis every decoration you could think o, tinsel, baubles, lichts, a didna ken far tae start.

A hid come a the wye here tae di some o ma Christmas shopping so a thocht a hid beter get on wi it. A hid tae be canny and nae get too carried awa cos a hid tae mind that a hid tae get it a in ma suitcase tae tak hame wi me. I hid jist the best time iver!
A got back tae the hotel that nicht just funnert and ready fir ma bed but a wis mare than happy wi a ma shopping.

A spent the next couple o days jist sicht seeing. A hid a grand time poppin in tae a the coffee shops and trying oot the fancy pieces they hid on offer. A wis richt gled a hid takin ower ma warm jaiket as it wis gi cauld.

A heided hame happy and couldna wait tae see a ma freens tae tell them a aboot ma trip. The trip hame wis better than the ane oot an a got hame safe and sound. A hid a grand holiday but a wis gled tae be back in ma ane hoose and ma ane bed.

It’s richt fit fowk say: There’s nae place like hame!

The Auld Asylum
by Nathan Dunnett (Forres Academy)

The day wis warm an close. There wis great big thunder clouds in the sky an a kent it widna be lang afore the heavens opened. It wis the summer holidays and me and me freens were scunnered. There wisna onything tae di and we were lookin fir some excitement.

We decided we wid tak a walk up tae the auld asylum in the middle of the wids and we dared each ither tae bide the nicht. So a telt ma mither and faither that a wis bidin the nicht wi ma freen and went tae pack up a bag. She wis quite happy aboot me gaun oot. She wis gled tae see the back o me. A wis canny nae tae tell her far we were really gaun – she widna hiv been happy aboot that!

A heided aff tae Dexter’s hoose tae meet him and Jordan. We needed tae get a oor stuff sorted afore we heided aff. A hid packit up some warm claes, pit on ma beets and made sure a hid a sleeping bag. Dexter hid been doon tae the shops tae get some messages so we hid plenty o food and drink.

Fan we started walkin it wis still dry and warm but a could feel the rain comin. A wis richt. The rain started in great big draps but it wis seen comin doon in torrents. We were drookit an wi hid hardly gone ony wy at a. A started tae think that this wisna sic a good idea aifter a but the ither twa were keen tae keep gaun.

We soon got intae the middle o the wids and there in front o us wis the ruins o the auld hospital. A wis a bit disappointed cos it didna look a that scary efter a. We heided intae the middle o the building an sat doon tae hae a rest.
The hale place smelt fousty and damp. The windaes were a broken and there wis doos dirt a ower the place. A we could hear wis cushiedoos in the rafters and mice scuttling aboot.

We emptied oot oor bags tae see fit we hid tae ate and drink. There wisna very muckle – a can o coke each, a packet o crisps and a chocolate bar. A thocht there wis nae wye this wid keep me gaun till the morning. Ma belly aready felt as though ma throat wis cut. It took us a o five minutes to ate athing we hid brought wi us an it wis only fowr o’clock.

We sat there lookin at ane anither wonderin fit we wir gaunt ae di noo. A thing fir sure a didna fancy biding here the nicht. It wisna that a wis feart it wis jist plain mingin.

Nane o us wid admit tae the ither that we winted te go hame so we jist sat there lookin at ain anither.

Fit saved us wis Jordan’s phone gaun off. It wis his mither askin far aboot he wis and remindin him he hid tae be hame cos his grannie wis comin tae see him. A wis that relieved that we hid an excuse tae gaun hame bit a niver let on. Me an Dexter jist tormented him aboot it but said that we micht as well go hame wi him tae keep him company.

Fan a got hame ma mither wis surprised tae see me but it wis grand tae walk in tae a fine smell o’ mince and tatties. A speared if it wid be ok if Dexter stayed ower fir his supper and she sais th wid be grand.

So instead o sleepin outside in the cauld and damp here we were in ma room setttlin doon wi a great plate of food gaun online tae play visitin an asylum.
by Tyler Bowie (Forres Academy)

I got oot ower ma bed nd hid a peek through the curtains tae see fit kin o day it wis outside.

The sna wis comin doon like naebiddies business. Athing wis a ready covered ower wis it. I thoucht for a minute aboot gaen back tea ma bed cos it looked ower caul oot there tae di onyhthin. But I wis gie hungry. Ma belly wis rumblin and a needed something tea eat.

I headed doon the stair, walked along the lobby intae the kitchen. Naebidy wis aroon. A hid the place a tae masel. A fair fancied a bowl of porridge clarted wi syrup. But fan I looked in the press it wis I empty. There wis nething in the fridge either. In fact there wisnae even enough milk for a cup o tea.

There wis neathing else for it but tae heid for the shop tae get some messages. So I pit on some claes. I made sure I hid a warm jaiket, wooly scarf and a tourie fir ma heid. I pit on ma beets and tied up ma pints.

Fan a opened the door the cauld win jist aboot knocked me aff ma feet. It wis fair skitie and I thocht I wis gaen tae coupower on ma doup. I hid tae ca canny.

As a heided doon tae the shops I looked aroon me and saw the cushiedoos and skurries huddling trying tae keep warm. The traffic wis gaen gi slow and fowk were slipping n sliding aw wye.

I arrived at the shop and got oot ma list. I wis needin porridge oats, breed, butter, milk and a fancied some meelie jimmies, neep and mince far ma tea. I loaded up ma messages an heided oot the door.

I wisnae twa minutes awa fae the shop and a ma feet went fae under me. I tumble doon and fell clatterin right on tae ma shooder. I wis greetin wi pain. I couldna move. Ma messages were scattered a roon boot me on the grun. The next thing I knew I wis being hauled intae the back o an ambulance and aff tae the hospital.

Fan a got tae the hospital a got rushed tae x-ray abd they discovered a hid broken ma airm. Noo am ina bloody cast fae the tips of ma fingers tae the tap o ma airm. Ma messages were still lying a ower the raod. Am damn sure sombidy wid be aff hame wi them.

Fan a got hame there wis a nice surprise waiting fir me. Ma next door neeboor had seen fit hid happened an pickit up a ma messages an took them hame. She hid pit them a awa in the press and fridge an busy makin mince an tatties. It wis richt fine. A hid forgotten a hid naething tae eat and a wis surprised at how hungry a wis.

A sat an lookit at the stookie on ma airm and windered foo a wis gaen tae manage on ma ane. The next thing a kent there wis a ring at the door and ma mither wis standin there wi a suitcase in her haund. She hid came tae look aifter me!

So here a am sitting getting fair spilt. Fowk runnin roon aifter me, cooking ma food, daen ma messages, keepin me company a couldna wish fir ony mair.

Am beginning tae winder if a could keep this stookie on fir a bit longer!
The Forkie Gollach
by Shaun Johnston (Forres Academy)

Friday night and the usual same old routine. Awa tae meet ma mates and hit the toon. So looked out ma best breeks my new ganzie and my brand new jaicket. Looked in the mirror and seen a hansom young loon starin back at me. I went doon the stairs to hiv a chat wee ma mither aboot far aboot a wid be gaun tae the nicht. I wisna gonna tell her a’thing mind. Just fit she needed to ken.

Fan a left the hoose ma mates were just roon the corner waiting on me. We were a set for a nicht oot. But first we heided to the local chippy for a poke o chips. We were a starvin’. Fir a laugh we thocht to play a joke on the mannie in the shop. Ane o us wid go in an ask fir a poke o chips wi a the trimmins’ salt, vinegar, sauce and then say we hidnae ony money. Then the next ane wid go in an say the same and then do the same again and again. This wid drive him fair daft cos he had nae sense o humour. We niver for a minute thocht o the peer soul havin tae mak a livin’. We didna care.
So the first o us did it and a few meentes later came skirlin oot o the shop laughing like a drain. Then ma mate Jordan did the same and the same happened. By the time four o us hid done it he wis fair gan loopy and dancing up an doon. We thocht it wis hilarious.

Then we thocht o something different. I wis the last tae gan in and I asked for ma poke but this time I paid up fir it. I took it ootside. It wis steamin and the smell wis gan roon a heart like a hairy worm. I could hiv fair gobbled them up. But that wisne the plan. No.

Jordan wis standing there with a great big forkie gollach that he could find and put it right in the middle o ma poke o chips and pushed doon wee his finger. A walkit in wi ma poke o chips and telt him he hid the maest boufin place in the toon and that his chips were minging, just boakin. He wis nae trickit wi fit a said. He turned roond wi a glower and started tae shout. He telt me to niver tae come back and that a could enjoy ma forkie gollach. He ca’d me a wee bugger said I wis banned. As a was walkin oot a kicked the bin ower and pit a stane through the windae.

Next thing he wis on the phone tae the bobbies.

We hid tae run like the deil himself. We heided aff tae oor usual spot bit fa wis there fan we got there? Aye. The bobbies. They wir waitin fir us. They took a oor names and addresses. A thocht a wid jist tell them a lee and gi them a false name but then a saw ane of them and realised he kent ma mither. A wis in fir it noo!

A wis richt. She wis waiting fir me fan a got hame. She got me in the car and drove me richt roond tae the mannie’s shop. She marched me in and made me apologise tae him. Worst than this she telt him a wid be gein up every evening tae come and help oot in his shop until a hid paid aff the cost o a new windae!

Well he wis fair smirkin. A could jist imagine fit he hid planned fir me. A wid be up tae ma oxters in grease and dirt. Ma freens thocht it wis hilarious! I wid niver live this doon!