Facey Like Yours - Wi A Facey Like Yours

Wi A Facey Like Yours

"Callum get yer back side doon es stairs. Yer gan to be late."

So doon i stairs the bairney wannered but niver hid ony sheen on! Callum’s mam was aye wis in a flap tryin to shove him oot i door in time for school but Callum isna viry good at gettin ridy.

His mam skerls, “Hurry up or yi’ll be gettin a skelpt luggie!”

Ere goes Callum troddin bain the road fan he hears his mam skerl once again “Laddie, mine yer baggie!”

At lang last oot he gings tae school, his mam tells her sel, "Well, at least I kian he left i hoose clean. It's nae my fault if he gets fool."

I loly pop mannie watches Callum cross i roadie thinkin to him sel, "Ere's nae y at loon will get tae i school withoot a danner."

Callum’s nae lang oot i door fan he sees aul Miss Margret takin in her shoppin. Callum stands a mintee and thinks to him sel, “Miss Margret looks like shes needin a han. Well, if am faste am sure I’ll still mak it to school in time.”

Callum gee’s aul miss Margret a han. She’s niver been ass pleast ti see ‘im in ‘er life. Her peer wee airms were deein uner i weight oh at bags. As usual Callum gets side tracked haein a yap. Callum loved speakin to aul miss Margret. She ayewis made him feel a bitty better aefter his mam's been yellin at him to get ridy. “Noo we’re a Jock Tamson's bairns, a the same but we’re a special in wir ane wye,” says miss Margret. Aefter i shoppins a in, she tells him, “Thanks ma loon. Yer a great han bit yi better be on yer wye ti school, dinna mak yer sel late for me.” So aff Callum went on i y to school but miss Margret kaint he’d be aff on another wanner. “Lang may yer lum reek!” she telt him.

A puckle streets later Callum’s kickin a steen bain the pathy fan he looks up an hears an affa annoyin screechin soon. Fan he his a look aroon he spots a peer cat stuck in a tree. As you can probably guess Callum set aff on a danner doon ti i tree. Callum wheeked aff his sheen an baggie awa ti save i cat fan he gets a fare clook reight bain i face. A little clook isna gan to hurt Callum, he's jist got a hairt oh gold. Callum says, “Noo how hiv yi gotten yer sel stuck up here, yer affa feel.” Once i cats free Callum wipes i blood aff his nose an it runs awa. He flings on his bag and looks doon to his feet, the biggest challenge on earth is aboot to face him: tyin his laces! Eventually i sheen are on, nae reight of course bit at disna maeter to Callum.

Dubby breeks, bleedin nose an untied sheen Callum wanners bain the street in nae hurry fitsoiver. Across i roadie Callum sees a mannie drap a his paperwork. Callum thought he looked like a cliver mannie because he wis wearing fansy clize. Callum runs oor tae him and helps him pick up his papers, he disna seem viry fine but at disna matter ti Callum he’ll help him ony y. Noo finally he's just across fae the school bit yet again ere's nae body ere.

“Late again,” the office wifie says so Callum tell her fit he’s been deein on her y to school but she jist snubbed him an telt him to get to class.

Fan Callum gets ti class a the bairns crood roon him shoutin “Callum! Hey Callum fit hiv u been deein iday, ony mair adventures?” Bit the teacher tells abdy to fin ere seats, get on we ere work and hud yer wheesht. She comes oor ti Callum and says to him, “Fit time did yi leave yer hoose?”

“Eh, aboot half eight miss.”

“So fit y his it teen yi three quaters oh an oor tae get ti school?”

“Well you see, there wis a wifie stuck we her shoppin, a cat in a tree an a mannie that drapped his papers.”

“Well, far's yer baggie, ma loon?” Then Callum his a wee think to him sel. He hid it aefter the stuck cat so he must hae drapped it fan he was pickin up i mannie's papers.

I teacher says “Check oot i state oh yer clize, yer mam winna be pleast.”

Just then his mam waks en we his school bag. “Speak oh the divil.” Says the teacher. His mam says, “Reight Callum, yi’ll be leavin i hoose at eight imorn and yi will be on time fir school, okay.” Callum replies, “Aye mam.”

A the bairns are sat doon deein their work bit oh no, nae Callum. He's way too exited for break ti tell a his pals aboot his great adventure on i y tae school! (Nae body could iver mak Callum sad he aye wis hid something ti look forward ti.) At break a the bairneys are gan ti see Callum. He’s an affa gweed spiker and a the bairns loved to listen ti him. Howiver twinty minutes wisna enough for Callum ti tell a his chums aboot his y ti school so he’ll jist hae ti continue at lunch.

At i en oh i day Callum’s mam comes ti pick ‘im up an save a the hassle oh him wakin hame. Callum’s mam specifically telt ‘im to meet ‘er at i school office but fan his mam got ere he wis nae y to be seen. The office wifie asks if she kains i best y to find a lost bairn bit afore she could finish, his mam said, “Reight, nae offence but dinna teach yer granny tae suck eggs.”

Eventually up comes Callum we his baggie hingin aff, sheen untied, covered in muck an untucked in ivery possible y. The office wifie speers ‘im, “Yi thinkin lang for yer holidays ma loon?” and he replies “Oh I jist canna wite!” Callum's mam asks, “Reight hiv yi got ur baggie, yer packet lunch, yer jacket an yer books?”

“Aright mam, gee’s ma heed back, why div yi ayewis ask me at!”

Fan they get hame Callum's chum comes ti i door askin if he's needin oot to play bit his mither says “Eens yiv deen yer homework!”

Callum checks his baggie and speers his mam if she's teen oot his homework baggie, she skerls bain i hoose “NO, dinna tell me you’ve left it at school!”

“Oh well, a think I might hiv mam,” replied Callum we his heed hingin low witin for her respone.

“Oh Callum min, yi'd forget yer heed if it wisna screwed on reight.” (At wis a lot better than i response he thought he wis gan ti get.) "Well then, yi might as weel go oot we ur pal," his mam says, "bit yiv got ti tak yer phone and yiv got ti be hame afore sax."

"Oh well, my phone's deid mam.”

“For ony sake,” replies his mam. “Jist tak min een en.”

At half six Callum comes wannerin through i door, “Far hiv yi been Callum? Yer daener’s steen cal!” skerls his mam.

“Am affa sorry mam. I jist got distracted makin a huttie in i widdies,” says Callum.

“Oh I jist canna bide mad at yi we a facey like yours,” says his mam.

Aefter daener Callum goes up i stairs ti get ridy for his bed, an up his mam comes therty minutes later. “Fit y is ur jammies nae on yet!” his mam says.

“Oh well I canna mine far they bide mam,” replies Callum.

“Oh min fit am I gan to dee we yi, they’re in yer tap drar, i same place they hiv been for i last three years.” Callum's finally asleep. His mam gings doon stairs an finally gets ti sit doon.

“Oh thank goodness I’ve survived another day an I hinna strangelt him yet,” says Callum's mam.

by Mark Ireland
(Banff Academy)